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JOSH KERR PROFILE
Posted by Ryan Bautista on Jun 18, 2012
Posted on Aug 22, 2013 09:37 AM AEST
Hi Jose,Well done. What a lovely piece of wtriing here. I really love the way you link the beginning and end of the story with the video game. The boy misses his dad and remembers how he used to help him win the game and then his dad rings up and gives him advice at the end. Very clever Jose. I love a happy ending too Jose.There is a big improvement with your full stops too Jose. This is great to see. You could even continue this story for a while longer. Maybe the boy could play the rest of the game. Would this be a better ending? Reply please Jose with your thoughts about this.
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